Category: Life


I have become increasingly concerned about you guys getting the necessary information to apply for grants so that you might apply.  Should you at least try out for the various grants/fellowships/publishing competitions out there, you at least give yourself the opportunity to increase your creative writing resume as well as give your self the opportunity to make your writing a lucrative entity.  Please apply and let me know if you get anything!

 

 

Creative Writing Grants for Women

  1. Poets & Writers Magazine lists state and national prizes of $1,000 or more (or $500 writing grants with no application fee). Grants are available to writers of poetry, fiction and creative nonfiction. Creative writing fellowships are available from the National Endowment for the Arts and are available only to published creative writers. A Room of Her Own foundation awards $50,000 to successful female candidates with creative vision. Mira’s List is also an excellent resource for women writers; this blog lists creative writing grants such as the Howard Foundations grants in poetry and creative writing; this grant awards $25,000 to individuals with at least one book in print. Poetry Magazine lists cash prizes that are available to poets who have been published in their journal (www.poetrymagazine.org). Wow! “Women on Writing” has a list of available grants for women writers, including mystery writers.
  2. “News Wise” provides a comprehensive list of grants, prizes, fellowships and scholarships available to journalists covering a wide variety of beats. The Society of Professional Journalists awards $300,000 annually to individuals and organizations in the news profession. The Pulitzer Center offers travel grants to journalists reporting on crisis situations (pulitzercenter.org). John S. Knight Fellowships allow journalists to study at Stanford for a year. The Hearst Foundation awards cash prizes yearly in the form of contests for journalists, photojournalists, and broadcast journalists (www.hearstfdn.org). The American Journalist Review has a list of awards, grants, fellowships and scholarships. Search the database at the International Women’s Media Foundation for an up-to-date list of grants available to female journalists.
  3. The Fund for Women Artists provides a list of grants for female screenwriters. They include grants for documentary filmmakers, TV writers, feature film screenwriters and more. “Women in Film & Video” holds annual screenwriting contests for women.
  4. The Fund for Women Artists maintains a list of available grants and prize money to women working in theater. NYCPlaywrights.com also has a list of upcoming awards and contests for playwrights. Visit Playwriting Opportunities.com and search available grants by deadline dates. AmericanMusicals.com has a list of grants available to musical writers. The League of Professional Theatre Women gives five annual awards to women in theater.
  5. Colleges and universities, literary journals, newspapers, magazines, TV stations and institutes offer information on local writing grants for women.

Journalism Grants for Women

Screenwriting Grants for Women

Playwriting Grants for Women

Other Places to Look for Writing Grants for Women

Individual Artist Grants

Organization: BC Arts Council
Program: Project Assistance for Visual Artists

Program description:
Assistance is available to professional visual artists for specific creative projects. One juried competition is held annually.

Program eligibility:
Applicants must be professional visual artists with a minimum of five years experience, have had a minimum of two professionally curated exhibitions, have been residents of British Columbia for a minimum of 12 months prior to making application and must be Canadian citizens or Permanent Residents and not be full-time students. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.bcartscouncil.ca/programs/


Organization: BC Arts Council
Program: Project Assistance for Media Artists

Program description:
This program is intended to assist independent filmmakers, video artists, and new media artists with production of specific innovative, experimental and non-industrial works.

Program eligibility:
Applicants must be Canadian citizens or permanent residents and have lived in British Columbia for a minimum of 12 months prior to making an application, have final editorial authority over the proposed work, completed basic training as film, video or new media artists and may not be full-time students. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.bcartscouncil.ca/programs/


Organization: BC Arts Council
Program: Project Assistance for Creative Writers

Program description:
This program is intended to assist professional writers with the writing of specific creative projects. Eligible genres include drama, fiction, juvenile, non-fiction and poetry.

Program eligibility:
Applicants must be Canadian Citizens or Permanent Residents that have lived in British Columbia for a minimum of 12 months prior to making an application and have completed all basic training and be professional creative writers with a minimum of five years experience, and may not be full-time students. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.bcartscouncil.ca/programs/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Grants to Professional Musicians (Individuals) (Classical and Non-Classical Music)

Program description:
This program offers emerging, mid-career and established professional Canadian musicians in non-classical and classical music of all world cultures an opportunity to pursue their individual artistic development. Professional musicians include instrumentalists, singers, composers, arrangers, performers, singers/songwriters, choir conductors, orchestra and ensemble conductors, and opera stage directors.

Program eligibility:
The Grants to Professional Musicians program is made up of the following distinct types of grants: Classical Music Grants, which cover subsistence, project and transportation costs related to a program of work lasting from a few weeks to one year; Non-Classical Music Grants, which cover subsistence, project and transportation costs related to a program of work lasting from a few weeks to one year; Travel Grants to Professional Musicians, which give an individual musician an opportunity to travel on occasions important to his or her career. Applicants must be Canadian citizens or permanent residents of Canada. Permanent residents must provide evidence of their legal status. Applicants must have completed their basic training and/or be recognized as professional artists. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/music/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Assistance to Professional Independent Critics and Curators

Program description:
These grants support independent professional Canadian critics and curators in their research, creative production and professional development activities in theory, criticism, analysis and curating in contemporary visual art (including fine craft and photography) and media arts.

Program eligibility:
Applicants must be Canadian citizens or permanent residents of Canada. They must have: completed their basic training (or the equivalent); produced an independent body of work; received the recognition of their peers through a history of public presentation of their work in a professional context; maintained an independent professional practice for at least three years. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/visualarts/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Assistance to Contemporary Fine Craft Artists and Curators: Project Grants

Program description:
Project Grants provide support for research, professional development, production, networking and career development activities for professional artists and curators (for research only) making a contribution to contemporary fine craft. The project must be significant and advance the long-term artistic and/or career development of the applicant at a key moment in their career. There are three types of project grants, as follows: Research/Professional, Development, Production, and Career Development. Applicants may apply to only ONE of the above project grant types per deadline.

Program eligibility:
Applicants must be Canadian citizens or permanent residents of Canada. Artists must have completed their basic training in a fine craft medium (university or college graduation or the equivalent in specialized training, such as two or three years of self-directed study or apprenticeships). Artists must have completed an independent body of work and received the recognition of their peers through public presentation of their work, such as in exhibitions in art museums, public art galleries, artist-run centres and juried art fairs. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/visualarts/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Assistance to Contemporary Fine Craft Artists and Curators: Long-Term Grants

Program description:
Long-Term Grants provide support over a two-year period to established professional fine craft artists or curators (for research only) who have made a significant contribution to contemporary fine craft. The period of activity covered by the grant must have a series of opportunities in the fields of research, production, career and networking development. The program of work must be designed to advance the long-term artistic and career development of the artist at a key moment in their career. It must include at least two of the following activities: Research/Professional, Development, Production of a New Body of Work, Production towards a Confirmed Public Presentation, and Career Development.

Program eligibility:
To apply to the Canada Council for the Arts, you must be a Canadian citizen or have Permanent Resident status, as defined by Citizenship and Immigration Canada. You must meet Canada Council’s definition of a professional artist, which is an artist who: has completed his or her basic training (university or college graduation or the equivalent in specialized training, such as two or three years of self-directed study or apprenticeships), is recognized as such by his or her peers, and is committed to devoting more time to artistic activity, if financially feasible.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/visualarts/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Grants to Film and Video Artists

Program description:
The Grants to Film and Video Artists program assists Canadian artists working with film and video as means of artistic expression. This program offers Research/Creation Grants, Production Grants and Scriptwriting Grants.

Program eligibility:
Applicants must be Canadian citizens or permanent residents of Canada. They need not be living in Canada when they apply. Individuals or groups of up to three artists working collaboratively on a project or a program of work may apply. Established, mid-career and emerging artists are eligible for Research/Creation Grants and Production Grants. Established artists, mid-career artists and scriptwriters are eligible for Scriptwriting Grants. For Production Grants, only directors may apply. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/mediaarts/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Grants to Dance Professionals

Program description:
This program provides support and assistance to Canadian dance professionals (individuals) to pursue projects involving professional development, research/creation and apprenticeship/mentorship.

Program eligibility:
Individual professionals can identify themselves as being in one of the following categories: emerging; mid-career; established; Aboriginal at all of the above levels. Professionals working in all world cultures and in a wide range of dance genres are eligible to apply for support. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/dance/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Grants for Professional Writers Creative Writing

Program description:
Creative Writing Grants provide support to authors working on new projects in the fields of novel, short story, poetry, children’s literature, graphic novel and literary non-fiction.

Program eligibility:
Applicants must be Canadian citizens or have Permanent Resident status, as defined by Citizenship and Immigration Canada. They must be recognized professional writers who have had: at least one literary book published by a professional publishing house; or for fiction, a minimum of four texts of creative literary writing (e.g. short stories, excerpts from a novel) published on two separate occasions in literary magazines, recognized periodicals (including general interest magazines), or anthologies published by professional publishing houses; or for poetry, a minimum of 10 published poems is required; or for literary non-fiction, a minimum of 40 pages (10,000 words) of literary articles published in literary magazines, recognized periodicals or anthologies published by professional publishing houses.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/writing/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Assistance to Practitioners, Critics and Curators of Architecture

Program description:
These grants support projects by practitioners, critics and curators of architecture, for the public presentation and promotion of contemporary Canadian architecture. The grants help practitioners to commission texts, photographs, films, models and other forms of documentation of their built projects. The grants also support critics and curators in research, writing, and other aspects of editorial/curatorial work leading to the production of articles, books, exhibitions and events on contemporary Canadian architecture.

Program eligibility:
Applicants must be Canadian citizens or permanent residents of Canada. They must have completed their basic training and have a minimum of three years of professional practice. Their work must have been recognized by their peers: works built by practising architects must have been the subject of at least one article, publication or exhibition; critics must have at least three publications to their credit; and curators must have produced at least three exhibitions or publications. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/visualarts/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Grants to New Media and Audio Artists (multiple categories)

Program description:
These grants assist Canadian artists working with new media or audio technologies as means of artistic expression. Grants cover artist’s subsistence costs as well as the direct costs of research, creative development and production of artworks created with new media or audio technologies.

Program eligibility:
Established, mid-career and emerging artists are eligible. Applicants must be Canadian citizens or permanent residents of Canada. They need not be living in Canada when they apply. Individuals or groups of up to three artists working collaboratively may apply. Further eligibility requirements may apply.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/mediaarts/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Assistance to Visual Artists: Project Grants

Program description:
Project Grants provide support for research/creation, professional development, production, networking and career development activities for professional artists making an important contribution to contemporary visual arts. The project must be significant and advance the long-term artistic and/or career development of the applicant at a key moment of their career. There are three types of project grants, as follows: Research/Creation, Production, and Career Development. Applicants may apply to only ONE of the three project grant types per deadline.

Program eligibility:
To apply to the Canada Council for the Arts, you must be a Canadian citizen or have Permanent Resident status, as defined by Citizenship and Immigration Canada. You must also meet the Canada Council’s definition of a professional artist, which is an artist who: has specialized training in the field (not necessarily in academic institutions), is recognized as such by his or her peers, and is committed to devoting more time to artistic activity, if financially feasible.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/visualarts/


Organization: Canada Council for the Arts, The
Program: Assistance to Visual Artists: Long-Term Grants

Program description:
Long-Term Grants provide support over a two-year period to professional artists who have made a significant contribution to contemporary visual arts. The period of activity covered by the grant must have a series of opportunities in the fields of research/creation, production, career and networking development. The program of work must be designed to advance the long-term artistic and career development of the artist at a key moment in their career. It must include at least two of the following activities: Research/Creation, Production of a new body of work, Production towards a confirmed public presentation of your work, and Career development. Approximately 15 Long-Term Grants per year will be awarded.

Program eligibility:
To apply to the Canada Council for the Arts, you must be a Canadian citizen or have Permanent Resident status, as defined by Citizenship and Immigration Canada. You must meet the Canada Council’s definition of a professional artist, which is an artist who: has specialized training in the field (not necessarily in academic institutions), is recognized as such by his or her peers, and is committed to devoting more time to artistic activity, if financially feasible.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.canadacouncil.ca/visualarts/ 


Organization: Commonwealth Foundation
Program: Commonwealth Writers Prize

Program description:
The outstanding literary talent which exists in many parts of the Commonwealth is making a significant contribution to contemporary writing in English. To encourage and reward the upsurge of new Commonwealth fiction and ensure that works of merit reach a wider audience outside their country of origin, the Commonwealth Foundation established the Commonwealth Writers Prize in 1987.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.commonwealthfoundation.com/culturediversity/


Organization: Commonwealth Foundation
Program: Commonwealth Short Story Competition

Program description:
The Commonwealth Short Story Competition exists to increase understanding between and appreciation of different Commonwealth cultures, to showcase the rich diversity of the Commonwealth and to support rising literary talents.

Program eligibility:
Entries are open to anyone who is a citizen of a Commonwealth country, whether an amateur or professional writer. There is no restriction on theme, but the stories must be new, original, and of no longer than six hundred words (around four and a half minutes when read aloud).

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.commonwealthfoundation.com/culturediversity/


Organization: Commonwealth Foundation
Program: Commonwealth Photographic Awards

Program description:
The Commonwealth Photographic Awards is an annual competition open to amateur and professional photographers from around the Commonwealth.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.commonwealthfoundation.com/culturediversity/


Organization: Commonwealth Foundation
Program: Commonwealth Connections International Arts Residencies

Program description:
Every two years, under the Foundation-funded Commonwealth Connections International Arts Residencies, up to ten artists and craftspeople between the ages of 20 and 35 are selected from around 300 applicants to receive an award for travel and study in another Commonwealth country.

More information:
Further information on programs and eligibility available at: www.commonwealthfoundation.com/culturediversity/

19 Grants for Writers and Other Creative Types

Many organizations offer grants for writers to help them to complete their projects and education. What follows is a list of some of the available grants for writers and some details about each.  Please keep in mind, these grants are unsearchable. I found this information via research conducted online and at the library. Unlike our series on the various markets, I didn’t make any calls to verify any of these grants. However, as you can see, they’re all current.

  1. The Haven Foundation - Stephen King’s foundation provides assistance to writers and artists who, through tragic events and no fault of their own, are unable to work. Awards up to $25,000.
  2. Nicholl Fellowship in Screenwriting - Set up by The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Scientists this fellowship awards to authors who have previously earned less than $5000 writing for film or television.
  3. Arch & Bruce Brown Foundation- Awards $1,000 grants to gay and lesbian playwrights and screenwriters.
  4. Authors League Fund – Provides loans or assistance to writers who are in financial distress due to emergency situations.
  5. Artist Trust - Their Grants for Arts pr gram awards up to $1500 to help fun artist generated projects.
  6. Brown University – Awards a $45,000 fellowship to an established international writer or poet who is being creatively stifled in his/her homeland.
  7. John Jones Literary Society – Awards $10,000 to help fund an unpublished writer who has a work in progress.
  8. Kentucky Arts Council – Awards $7500 to three Kentucky poets or writers annually.
  9. Library of Virginia Literary Awards – Awards three prizes of $3500 each to Virginia writers and poets who were published the year before.
  10. Robert Bingham Fellowship for Writers – Offers $35,000 to first time authors who are deemed to have achieved an outstanding literary effort and “suggests great promise.”
  11. National Endowment of the Arts – Offers a variety of grants to writers.
  12. Academy of American Poets – Awards and fellowships ranging from $1,000 to $100,000
  13. The Furthermore Program – Grant to help fund non-fiction book projects  range from $5,000 to $15,000.
  14. Demand Studios – Offers one $1,000 grant each month to help fund writing projects within their community of writers.
  15. Pen American Center Writers Emergency Fund - Offers funding up to $2,000 for writers in need.
  16. Voelker Foundation - Fly Fishing Fiction Award – $2500 for one outstanding fishing writer each year.
  17. AAAS Science Journalism Awards – Pays $3,000 to outstanding science writers.
  18. Arts Writers Grants Program - Awards $5,000 to $50,000 for a variety of writing.
  19. Witter Byner Foundation for Poetry – Awards poets $1000 to $3000.

More resources:

  • You also might be interested in this post at About Freelance Writing where Anne Wayman linked to blogs that make it their mission to report awards, grants and fellowships for writers.
  • C. Hope Clark’s Funds for Writers is the best online resource for learning about grants, fellowships and other awards for writers.
  • Poets and Writers’ database is an amazing resource for anyone seeking funds.
  • Michigan State University has something for everyone on this list of prizes, grants and fellowships.

I’ve also been exploring some writing markets this week. Check out:

Finding Love Where You’ve Lost It…

       I am back from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania and it is COLD!!! The year is off to a kicking start and I am so looking to see you guys at various shows. The show that is VERY near and dear to my heart is FIRST VOICES. FIRST VOICES is the brain child of HUE-MAN BOOKSTORE in Harlem, the most celebrated African-American owned bookstore in New York City. FIRST VOICES celebrates new authors by showcasing 4-6 authors in a reading held at their store and is followed by a Q & A session.   The reason that this is so important to me is because it will be in HARLEM. Anyone that knows me knows that I am SO Harlem, so the privilege of doing a reading in the same book store that has housed readings for some of the greatest black authors (i.e. Sonia Sanchez, Pearl Cleage, etc.) is paramount for me. My mama took this girl out of Harlem, but Harlem was NEVER out of me…I finally made my way home.   This reading will be held on Saturday, February 13th, 2010 from 2-4pm. It is a perfect afternoon get-a-way right before Valentine’s Day (which is the following day). IT IS THE PERFECT LAST MINUTE GIFT THAT WILL NOT SEEM LAST MINUTE!!!   I am extremely humbled that I was chosen to be the vehicle that the Creator used to funnel ENAMORED through. Every time I read it, I find something in it that eluded even me as the writer.  After a moment in the quiet of these words, I am freer; I am at peace…at one with my raw soul… I have finally stopped listening to the voices out side and listened to the one in my heart, the one that proclaimed “love” was not a dirty word, that it wasn’t a forbidden word; just a forgotten one. It was a word so frequently used out of context that it no longer turned heads, caught breath, made the heart skip its beat. I’d been dreaming love since June 12th of ’09 and scribing it. The result? ENAMORED. It’s time to find love again; the hint is to look wherever you lost it.  Some one once told me “the voices in your head aren’t keeping you behind, they’re waiting for you to catch up!”  I initially thought that was crazy, but now?  Now I know, if I don’t wanna talk to myself, why would anyone else want to?  Thus the writing began and the love would overflow from me and spill through my fingers and stain the pages…a thousand words forming a picture more beautiful than a photograph. I was chosen for it, and I am (to say the least) grateful.   I have a couple of projects in view for the upcoming year. I am in the works to create an ENAMORED notebook to write your own love letters, as well as working on my t-shirt business. February also promises some wonderful things in the way of a poetry rock show I am in entitled POET ROCK. If you haven’t already done so, be sure to follow the link below and get your tickets! There will be some wonderful performers in the house, like Dana Dane and yours truly! There are links on the page at the bottom where you can pay for your tickets on Pay Pal, I also have tickets myself. They are only $15.00 and I promise you will walk away having seen a dynamic show!   I also want you to send out this email to others, and go to www.reverbnation.com/mothermetaphor and sign up on my email list and join my fan page.  It will keep you updated and I will have free give aways and various other things!   Well people, that’s what’s up for February…keep your eyes open for March…in the words of Nettie…”Look for me just over the horizon!”     Love & Light,   Renée Michele (Mother Metaphor)   
UPCOMING SHOWS
Hue-Man Book Store New York, NY Sat Feb 13 10 02:00 PM Tickets
PoetRock at the Production Lounge New York, NY Tue Feb 23 10 07:00 PM Tickets
Cave Canem, Brooklyn, Brooklyn, NY Mon Mar 01 10 06:30 PM Tickets
> See More / Details

 

It has taken a while, but the time has come…

My new book, which is being published at 11:59PM on 12/31/09 (but will be made available for purchase by 1/2/10) is finally done.  The book cover is above for your viewing pleasure and I implore you all to go out and get this book.  I did not think I could do better than “Lock, Stock & Smoking Metaphors,” but “ENAMORED” transcends anything I have ever done.  I truly believed I was possessed by love.  This book is what happens as a result.  It retails for $15.00 and you can order this on-line.

 

Love & Light,

 

Renee Michele

“Procrastination”

Procrastination “Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.”  ~William James 

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.  ~Don Marquis 

Every duty which is bidden to wait returns with seven fresh duties at its back.  ~Charles Kingsley 

The easiest thing to do – is nothing.  No one can make you do what it isn’t in your heart to do.  Second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year…get the picture?  Time too has a dance card that’s quite full.  She will not wait for you to take her hand.  Trust that she has other suitors.  There is too much putting off until tomorrow what you can do today.  How often have you put off your dreams, your vacation, your children, your spouse…yourself?  Most among us are only dedicated to the wrong things.  We habitually get up and pour ourselves the huge cup of negativity we’ve been brewing all night.  Then first thing in the morning, after a long night of having the audacity to dream, we stamp it out with a hot cup of pessimism flavored with excuses.  It is not enough to dream it.  Dreaming is the beginning of the process, but in order to make things tangible you have to follow through by making the steps toward obtaining it.  The only way a flower grows is when it is nurtured and fed.  Water your dream garden; in the end, you’ll have your pick of dreams…weed out procrastination or it will become your nightmare… 

“The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up.”  ~Author Unknown

“There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back.”  ~Tom DeMarco  

“You may delay, but time will not.”  ~Benjamin Franklin 

“Someday is not a day of the week.”  ~Author Unknown

“To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.”  ~Eva Young

“Don’t fool yourself that important things can be put off till tomorrow; they can be put off forever, or not at all.”  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

MISERY

Misery Knife“I don’t think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains” Anne Frank

“The white man’s happiness cannot be purchased by the black man’s misery.” Fredrick Douglass

Lawd does misery LOVE company!  Think of it.  You are on the right track. You’ve been so for some time.  I’m here to tell you, some won’t like it.  They will do everything they can to get you to dismantle peace.  DON’T DO IT!  All of these things come so that you can be made better, stronger.  Everyone needs something.  It has been my experience that Misery will call you on your phone, in the middle of a storm and want you at their home to be entertained.  Honey, let me tell you!  Misery does not care whether you want to come or not, her persistence at your being their only benefits her.  She will cook for you and put out all her greatest dishes: 

  • Hopelessness with a side of despair
  • Deep fried betrayal
  • Honey Barbequed Bad News, and of course
  • Porterhouse Pain

Talk about spiritual indigestion!  Then she watches and waits for the results of her culinary skills to take effect.  That’s where her power lies, in your reaction.  Do one of two things:  Don’t go over her home or take a package of Pepto-prayer.  It will save you…every time!

“Misery acquaints a man with strange bed-fellows.” – Anonymous

Morality becomes hypocrisy if it means accepting mothers suffering or dying in connection with unwanted pregnancies or illegal abortions – and unwanted children living in misery.””Anonymous

 “Pride is seldom delicate, it will please itself with very mean advantages; and envy feels not its own happiness, but when it may be compared with the misery of others” – Samuel Johnson

Renée Michele Breeden

Michael Memories from a Child of Molestation…

 

Praying Michael

 The news broke of Michael’s death and I remembered. It was a bright spot in an otherwise dark time. It was the year that I transitioned from nine to the rounded age of ten, two digits…

I was in St. Matthews, South Carolina, staying with relatives. I had heard my mother speak of the word most of us are now well aquatinted with: foreclosure.

Foreclosure, whoever he was made my mother make the choice that would break the bonds of childhood far before I was ready to loosen my grasp. From day one, I knew this was not to be the South Carolina that greeted me in my mother’s presence. My sister took my brother and I there, delivered like junk mail and dropped there into the arms of uncertainty.

From the moment that my older sister left, the air went out. I never imagined myself in a bag, and that someone could be exhausting the air. Wow.

What was supposed to be the pinnacle of my childhood ripped away trust. For one year, eight months, three weeks, and two days, my childhood was crushed under the foot of incest. The violation of night ripped into the daily existence of screams that went unheard, and fell on the eyes of closed lids. No one heard the violation contained behind a bathroom door in a 3 bedroom ranch house on Tucker Mill Circle. Everything was a blur then. I don’t remember much. There were few joys.

1.The burning of the garbage: We knew burning of the trash would give the heat we needed
to make Peppermint Scented Mud Pies. It was the last little bit of childhood I had.

2. Motown 25: Everyone waited that night. Every other performance meant nothing. We, my
extended family and I. My cousins, my aunts, my molesters – all of us. The noise stopped. The
air was still. Michael took us to another planet. It must have been the moon, because that was
the first time he moon walked while he was singing Billie Jean. I knew then and there I would be
a performer. I was gonna sing too. People were gonna love me too.

The tears fell down my face. It was the only night in which the violation stopped. For that night only, Michael saved me from them, from my male cousin molesters and many nights thereafter from myself. Music & Me and Ben reverberated in my ear drums as I listened to Michael’s child hood falsetto under the house on a old school tape recorder. Whenever his voice streamed into the space around me, the air would return for the duration of the song. It didn’t matter what he was singing, whether it was him arguing with Paul McCartney over who I really belonged to, or whether he was convincing the world to drink Pepsi with his brothers during the Victory tour. He kept me sane. His songs didn’t keep me from going on long journeys inside of myself, but they definitely kept me from staying gone. They stopped me from going inside and locking the door. Michael Jackson put the key up for safe keeping.

The return from South Carolina resulted in me never returning to the place of my violation, but Michael was a constant companion. Everyone idolized him. I had it all, the jackets (Beat It & Thriller), my socks and glove with the silver and white threads to make them look as though they were rhinestones. Everyone wanted a piece of Michael.

I didn’t believe it. Text messages flew in from everywhere, proclaiming Michael’s demise. The tears filled up in the wells of my eyes and streamed down my face. Besides the incredible sense of loss I felt, I also felt like the others. The others are the people who kept taking from him and never gave. I felt so guilty. I took my sanity in him and he was so tormented. By his father, his face, his fears. He walked a road searching for a childhood that he was never allowed to have.

I walked to 125th Street and sang every Michael song that fell on the lips of his fans. I stayed out there until 3 am, but even that didn’t seem enough for the give back.

When they called him a child molester, I thought to myself: how could they call him a molester, when he kept me sane as a child being molested? What a toll it took on you Michael. For that, I am deeply sorry.

The bible says we gotta come to God like a child, and I know God was there to greet you. I know it. No one was more child-like, loving and as pure in his spirit as you. All that genius that lived in you; All of God’s answers to and for the world weaved beautifully into your songs. Thank you Michael. You beautiful, gifted, tormented instrument of God’s peace. For everything you were, for everything you became, thank you.

You saved me. When others stole my trust, you returned it, beautifully wrapped in your songs…
As you once told me when I was a ten year old woman…you Michael are not alone…

michael_jackson_king_of_pop

F.E.A.R.

I looked into his eyes and saw the future that I wanted.  He smiled  at me and I could swear, he knew that smile would divert my intentions…I wanted to know.  What was the possibility of being here in this moment for the rest of my life?

I know myself a little better every time I am in his presence.  I am comforted there, in the space and time of a visual embrace.  That’s right, he looks at me and with just a glance, he gives a peace that

runs over my soul…dsc_0172

I dream of him often, and I cannot remember relationships of the past ever being counted as painful.  Everything I have ever known before this moment has been par for the cause.  A course in the reality of him.  There is a nervous energy when we are together.  It is scary and exciting all at the same time, and highly addictive.  I want to know this energy at all times that keeps me on my toes.   Being in this situation reminds me of the acronym about F.E.A.R.

I can feel an energy from him.  Could he possibly want me too?  How has he been able to contain it?  It burst from me in a million eruptions, and emits from me like trapped light.  I scare him.  I know that I do.  I represent all of the things he may not be prepared to face.  What should he do?

F*CK EVERYTHING AND RUN:How often has he chosen this?  How many times had he saved his neck from what he perceived to be the guillotine of love?  So this is where he is…

I keep hoping that he will:

FACE EVERYTHING AND RE-LOVE: I want to hold him in my arms when I see him.  Comfort him from the bruises he has obtained from the storms that come with love.  He doesn’t trust it, the feeling that comes with it, therefore he doesn’t trust me.  I want him to face everything that prepared him for this moment.  The heart ache.  The broken promises…the broken misses…

I wish I could curl into the bend of him…know the joy of him between these arms, and rest in the pleasure of this love…

Now I wish I could remember how it felt BEFORE I loved him…

Procrastination

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I  been out on the stroll too damn long.  Watching opportunity after opportunity pass by to get clean, to forget the pain I’ve seen, but here I am am once more – procrastinations whore.

I look at my worn, run down flesh, and each test I failed to redeem a dream that waited to propel me out of this life, but procrastination told me I’d be his wife – and I believed.  That I’d always be pretty, a success, rich, but when you’re procrastinations bottom bitch, you are made to watch everything slip away, with nothing left for you.

What doth it profit a man to gain and lose a soul?  It gets cold on this corner, waiting for dreams to come by, I

keep hoping for the change, I stand in the sleet, rain, wind, I befriend hope after tasting it on my lips.  Chased the high of it forever, but it was more clever – knowing what I never would -catch up…

that procrastination wanted me strung out, and there is no doubt that I am

his top money maker  – the opposite of a dream, the worst kind of hope fiend…